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.Just the quick recollection squeezed histhroat and brought new tears to his eyes.He blinked them back hurriedly.His muscles quivered asCarl reached out and touched his back. It s okay, you know? Carl said softly, and something in his voice  the tenderness, compassion,understanding  Max didn t know what for sure, it threatened to break Max down into a fit of tears. What is? Max asked thickly.Carl didn t reply immediately.A few moments passed before he murmured,  It s okay for you totalk about Horatio.The stinging in Max s eyes intensified and he rubbed them with his fingertips. Why would I wantto do that? What was the dream about? Carl asked softly without answering his question.Max shook his head. I told you, I don t remember any dream. You re lying, Max. Carl sat forward again and rubbed his hand up Max s back then leaned overand kissed his bare shoulder. Tell me.I know it was about Horatio.Was it something from when youwere young?The man refused to be deterred; had Max spoken Horatio s name in his sleep?  Yeah, hewhispered and wiped at his face again, discovering new tears on his cheeks. Was it a memory? Or a dream? A memory, Max spoke quietly, hugging his knees through the blankets.He stared across theshadowed bedroom but he wasn t seeing the wall on the far side.He saw the water, the sunlightsparkling across the surface like a scatter of diamonds.He saw the patch of grass, flattened downagainst the ground from his and Horatio s bodies lying there every day.He saw the clear blue skyoverhead, the occasional bird soaring through his line of sight.And he saw Horatio, his beautiful eyesthe color of mahogany overflowing with life and love.and then filling with tears, pain, and anguishas Max had torn his heart from his chest and cast it away.dp group.org Tell me about it, Carl gently urged. You don t have to hide away that part of you, Max. Hislips touched Max s shoulder again and lingered. I know you will always love Horatio.I m not sonaïve as to think that will ever really go away.And it s okay.I m not asking you stop.He s been apart of you from the start, and the love you shared with him.it helped make you the man you aretoday.And in case you re not aware of it, Carl kissed his warm skin. You are one hell of a man,Maxwell Raines.The best, in my book.Why can t I be in love with this amazing man? Just him? Why does everything have to be sofucked up?Max closed his eyes slowly as warm tears pushed out and slid down his face.He didn t open hiseyes when he felt Carl s thumb rub across his cheek and brush away the tears.His words strained andbroken, he told Carl about going back to the pond, and then Horatio showing up.He opened his eyesand a rush of hot tears ran free. Twenty years, he choked,  And I still can t get that sound out of myhead.him screaming my name.I killed him that day, Carl. He ducked his head and shoved his faceagainst his knees, crying. I killed him.as surely as if I d taken a knife to his heart.And I just.I justwalked away and left him there to.to bleed.Carl wrapped his arm around his shoulder and drew Max against him, kissing his head. For two decades I kept telling myself I didn t have any choice, that I did the right thing. A fit ofsobs shook him. But his heart is still ripped open and bleeding.I can see it, every time I look at him.It s all still there.fresh and raw, as if I d just walked out on him yesterday. His breath burst out inbroken puffs and he raised his head, vision blurred as he looked at Carl. I m so sorry.I didn t wantto hurt you too.I thought.I thought I could just move on. He lowered his head into his hands andgripped his hair, trembling. But I can t, can I? Not ever.It s never going to stop hurting. His headslid down into his arms and he cried harder. I can t do this anymore.It hurts.to breathe.*** That s not too shabby, if I do say so myself, Dane grinned.He set the scissors aside and tugged thetowel from around Maddy s neck, a shower of dark hair falling to the floor to join more clumps.Maddy glanced at him uncertainly as he stood up off the stool and brushed the clinging bits of hairfrom his shirt [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]