[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.He assures me that he knows the dawn, and it won’t catch him out.I’ve said my farewells to the rest of the coterie.They were very kind.Several of them pointed to the mark on the inside of my wrist and made encouraging gestures.I didn’t need Feyn to tell me that I was always welcome among them.Their simple generosity makes me feel vaguely ashamed of my cynical Veyan attitude towards friendship.In the city it’s not given freely, it’s subject to conditions and it can shatter with a single blow.They’ve loaded me up with a pack full of food and given me shortblades to replace the ones I lost, back in another life.They’re beautifully crafted, and undoubtedly valuable to a people who probably have to trade for all the metal they obtain.‘I wish you would come with me,’ I say, though the unselfish half of me hopes he will refuse.‘I wish you would stay,’ he replies.‘I have a son.’‘I know.’That hangs in the air between us for a time.‘Do you think he will come with you, if you find him? Do you think he will turn his back on war?’‘Yes,’ I say, then: ‘Maybe.His father is dead now.You can’t reason with a memory.Maybe he’ll decide to stick it out, in Rynn’s honour.I don’t know.I just have to talk with him.’‘And will your master let him do it?’‘I persuaded him before.I can do it again,’ I say, though I’m not one-tenth as sure of that as I sound.‘Ledo’s sisters are my friends.They’ll help me.And I have a letter from the Dean of Engineers at Bry Athka University.Ledo will see the sense in it.’ At least, that’s what I hope.Ledo’s been known to be as whimsical as his siblings when the mood takes him.You can’t be sure of anything where the aristocracy are concerned.He studies me for a long time, his black eyes roaming my face.‘Who are you doing this for?’ he asks.‘What does that mean? I’m doing it for him, of course.’He stares at me for a long while before his gaze falls away.‘I came back for you, too, Feyn,’ I say.‘I could have got out of Farakza on my own.’ I realise belatedly how harsh that sounds.I’m annoyed at him for implying that finding my son is more about me than Jai.But I don’t want our parting to be this way, so I soften the edge a little.‘It’s how I am,’ I say quietly.‘I don’t think like you.I don’t have your philosophies.I can’t just cut loose.’He nods reluctantly, then brushes his oily black hair away from his eyes.The wind is beginning to moan on the cliff-tops, and the air is full of the hiss of rustling dust.‘The dawn is coming,’ he says.‘I have to go.’I can feel something shrinking and dying inside me, and it’s so terrible I can’t bear it.‘I wish you luck,’ he says, with an uncertain tone to his voice.He’s still not sure what luck is.I laugh and put my arms around him.‘You’re learning,’ I tell him quietly, and then he holds me back and we become very still for a little while.I feel the pulse at his neck against my own.I’m never going to see him again.‘I have to go,’ he says once more.The sky is lightening fast.He glances at it, then back at me, and though there’s a thousand things to say we don’t say any of them because they wouldn’t be enough.‘We will pass this way again, at the season’s end,’ he says.‘After that, I cannot say.’ Then he turns and runs towards the carriages, and I start walking into the cave, tears in my eyes.Down, down, away from the killing dawn.The world I know opens its arms to me, and darkness clasps me to its chest.12We’re moving.It’s the first thing I notice, even before I open my eyes to see the soft bed I’m lying in.The blankets are of a downy material I don’t recognise.A curtain of furred hide surrounds the square bed, sealing me into my own small world.Music is coming from beyond, wind instruments cooing over the sporadic pluck of strings.That’s when I realise I’m not dead.I don’t try to stir myself.I just stare at the ceiling, where arched beams support a curved wooden roof, and think of nothing.I don’t feel relieved, or happy, or thankful.Just peaceful.So I lie there for a long time, listening to the music.The air is cool on my face.Tears creep from the outside corners of my eyes, trickling down towards my ears.I don’t know where they’re coming from, but they come anyway.After a while, I try to work out where I am.It’s some kind of room, and big; I can tell that by the acoustics.But the sensation of movement puzzles me, a gentle and irregular up-and-down swaying and the occasional bump from below.It doesn’t feel like water, so we’re not on a ship [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]