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.But this is the week before Christmas, and most places either have all the help they need or they’re letting people go.”That had been the end of that, and he’d hidden in his apartment the rest of the day.Not working that day had felt strange, and he’d found himself wondering what the people who worked in the cubicles around him were doing.He’d never see them again, or if he did, they wouldn’t know it was him.That made him sad for some reason.And Brenda had been so trusting! She stopped asking questions and was busy finding him more work.Try as he might, he couldn’t remember what he hated so much about his job.And all the thinking was only making things worse.He wanted to not think!So that night, Harry answered the call of his new body.He’d headed out and barely been in the bar when a nice-looking man was buying him drinks and asking him back to his hotel room.Harry found himself taking the man’s offer and was flabbergasted to discover (after sex that consisted mostly of the man just lying there) that he, too, was involved.This time with a woman; a wife of twenty years.Was every man a cheater?“I need this,” the man told him.“Can’t you just tell her you’re gay?” Harry had asked.The man had given him a horrified look.“I’m not gay,” he declared, although he offered up his ass one more time.Harry hadn’t taken him up on it and was surprised when he found himself right back at The Male Box, and even more so to find himself taking yet another muscleman back to his own apartment.He wanted to lose himself in sex.Orgasms could make his problems go away, and wasn’t it funny that he had any problems in the first place? After all, wasn’t this life just exactly what he’d wanted? To have a gorgeous body that would get him any man he wanted?Hadn’t he told that Santa Claus that the only thing he wanted was to look like one of Javier’s crowd?This second man—David or Davie, or was it Danny?—actually stayed the night, although Harry found he wished the man would just leave.He was clingy and reeked of tequila.The next morning the smell rose from the man’s very pores.So after the man left, Harry hid the next day as well, not answering the door or his phone, letting the answering machine monitor his callers.Brenda hadn’t found anything, and Cody was worried.Shit! He just couldn’t look at Cody right then.If he did, he’d see that bear in his mind, and that would make him wonder again if Cody had let the man fuck him, and Harry didn’t want to think about that.That next evening, Harry went to a bar he’d never been to before and this time went home with a couple.If anything, they were more gorgeous than Javier.But this time he was given some of the best sex he’d ever had; they seemed like real people, and it was a joy to have them appreciating his body and letting him lose himself in theirs.But then the hints that he should leave came soon after, gentle as they were.Harry found himself wanting to leave.Anything to keep from seeing how much the two loved each other.At least there did seem to be love out there.So why hadn’t he ever found any? Any that lasted longer than a few weeks or a lucky couple of months.What was wrong with him? Harry wondered.He’d thought for years that his body and looks were what had kept him from finding love and happiness.If only he looked different, were sexy instead of dumpy, had a bigger dick….But now that he had all that, why wasn’t he happy, goddamnit?This was supposed to be fun! It was supposed to make all his dreams come true.It was the next evening, Christmas Eve, after hiding all day, that Harry finally made his way down to Cody’s apartment, afraid both that Cody would be there, and that he wouldn’t.And what if the bear was there as well?“It’s about damned time,” Cody said when he opened his door.“Didn’t you get my messages? Come on in.”Harry paused.All Cody wore was red flannel pajama bottoms and a Santa hat.Did he have company? “Um,” Harry stammered.“Is it all right? Is he there?”“Who?” Cody asked.“Your new friend,” Harry said meekly.“Friend? Who?” Cody just looked up at him, a puzzled expression on that sweet hodgepodge face of his.God, he was good-looking, Harry realized.Why hadn’t he ever noticed that before?“The guy from the other night.You know, from the bar,” Harry said.Cody gave out a bark of laughter.“Him? Oh, Harry, you silly shit.No, he’s not here.Get inside.”Harry entered the apartment, looking around like he expected the man to be there after all.He saw that Cody had set up his Christmas tree and that was twinkling with lights.Decorating Cody’s tree was something they usually did together.But then, he couldn’t really blame Cody when he’d hidden for the last several days.“Want some nog?” Cody asked, heading into his little kitchen.“Sure,” Harry mumbled.“Leaded or unleaded,” Cody asked, using another of their inside jokes.“Leaded,” Harry said, and smiled.Whiskey sounded perfect.Hopefully lots of it.Cody was back in a second and holding out a glass filled to the top with eggnog, complete with sprinkles of nutmeg; of course.“To yet another Christmas come and near gone, thank God,” Cody toasted.“To the people of Bolivia,” Harry returned and near choked on his drink.Why had he wondered if there would be plenty of whiskey?There was an awkward pause.At least for Harry.“So, ah, you seeing this new guy?” he asked.“Who? Oh!” Cody laughed.“Jesus, Harry.He lives in Maine.He’s here to see his Mom and he goes home in a few days.You think I’m going to start a long-distance relationship with a man from Maine? The one I had with the guy from St Louis was bad enough.”Harry felt an overwhelming sense of relief and found his eyes threatened by tears [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]