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."You said that ""Yes.but she's a bad one, really.""So what would it take to get you back in Barin's good graces, so you can find out if he stillloves you, and back in your admiral's good graces?""I don't know." She paused."I don't know if Barin will ever forgive me.""He might not," Luci said frankly, "But you won't know that until you see him again.And theadmiral?""I suppose if I could convince them somehow that I don't hate Brun, and I didn't ever say that shedeserved what she got ""They think you said that?""Casea the woman who's after Barin says I did.Says she knew me at the Academy and I was alwayssaying things about the senior Families.Of course I didn't.""Muerto de Dios," Luci said."I would have a knife for that one if I saw her.But if she's havingto lie about you to keep Barin away from you, then he's not that eager for her.Go back, Esmay.Goback and make them know how good you are.""And you, cousin?""And I will breed horses, and with your consent and support marry the man I love and have babies.""And be Landbride someday?" Esmay asked, after a decent interval."That is entirely up to you," Luci said."I don't want that job too soon, I can tell you.At leastlet me prove my abilities with your herd before I take on another."file:///F|/rah/Elizabeth%20Moon/Moon,%20Eliz.egacy%2005%20-%20Rules%20Of%20Engagement.txt (144 of 230) [5/20/03 11:37:29 PM]file:///F|/rah/Elizabeth%20Moon/Moon,%20Elizabeth%20-%20The%20Serrano%20Legacy%2005%20-%20Rules%20Of%20Engagement.txtEsmay sat alone as the light dimmed, thinking over what Luci had said.She knew what shewanted she was supposed to be a tactical genius so it should be possible to figure out what shecould do to get herself out of the mess she was in.If she could retrieve her intelligence fromthe mush her emotions had made.And yet, what she wanted had more to do with emotions than brains: what she wanted was love, andrespect, and honor, and the sense that she was serving something worth serving.She could do nothing about it here.With every passing minute, she realized that no matter howhard she worked, or how pleasant a life she could contrive here, as one of the wealthiest women onthe planet, she would never satisfy her own desires, her own needs, by being a Landbride, even thebest Landbride she could be.She would always know she had run away from trouble.She would alwaysknow she had failed.In her mind's eye, she could see herself her civilian self meeting an olderBarin far in the future.They would be polite.He would admire, politely, her empire.And then hewould go away, and she.she blinked back tears, and pushed herself up from the chair.The judge and the advocates and auditors were annoyed when she walked in on them, and insistedthat she must soon return to Fleet."We understood you had indefinite leave.""My pardons, sirs, but there are events afoot which I cannot discuss, but which make it verydesirable that I return as soon as I can.I must know how long this will take.""We could, if we hurried, have the transfers ready within five days."Esmay had already looked up the commercial passenger schedules."Sirs, the next ship leaves infive days, but the one after is another twenty days.I'm sure you can have all ready in four days,with all the cooperation and resources of this house.""It will hardly be possible," said one of the advocates, but the judge waved him to silence."You have honored Altiplano already by your deeds, Sera; for you, this is possible.Not easy, butpossible.""My thanks are eternal, and I will place the household at your service."On the last of the four days, having signed the last paper, Esmay asked her father to come to thelibrary, scene of that earlier confrontation.This time, however, she put that aside, and askedhis advice.With the same precision and organization that she might have briefed someone on amilitary problem, she told him what she faced."So you see, far from being a credit to our house,I am in disgrace," she said."But I cannot change that here and if I stay here ""I see," he said.He nodded, sharply."You are a credit to this house, Esmaya, and to Altiplano;you will never be a disgrace in my sight.But I agree: for your own sake, you must clear yourname.If you cannot, you are always welcome to return, and you must not give up your LandbrideGift until this is over.Stand or fall, it will be as the Landbride Suiza."She had been more than half afraid he would demand that she give it up; her eyes filled."As for the matter of the Speaker's daughter you were wrong, there, and you know it.Her rudenessdoes not excuse yours.But your reasons for not claiming the man's affection makes sense to me,though perhaps not to those with different ways.Still they will not hold it against you, if youcan prove that you wish her no harm, and can convince her, when and if she is rescued.As for theman even I have heard of Serranos.A remarkable family, and well suited to this house.You musthave made friends, Esmaya, and this is the time to call on them.""Approach them?""Yes.When under attack, seek allies you cannot fight all Fleet alone, and when people are lyingabout you, you need those who will not.If you say nothing, if you avoid them, they can moreeasily believe the lies are true." His voice grew husky [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]