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.I want you tofeel like I'm showcasing your best work.""Well, you'd be a better judge of that than I would," I replied, following him into the small room."I think it's all crap."He laughed."That's normal.Trust me.Usually when people think that, though, they're not right.Ifyou think everything you make is pure spun gold, that's when you should be worried.""All right," I said, sitting down."I'll take your word for it on that."He'd picked out two other drawings - one of a horse that I'd done years ago, and a still life with abowl of wax fruit that I hardly even remembered.They were both technically well done, but both ofthem, I thought, lacked a certain depth of feeling.No one was going to look into a bowl of fruit andfeel like I'd touched some long-forgotten childhood memory.But looking through the rest of myportfolio, I had to admit he'd made the best possible choices out of what was available.My best workwas mostly done while I was still a student; I'd been floundering ever since, either too exhausted frommy string of soul-crushing retail jobs, or too distracted and drained by working for Daniel and hiscompany.At least, that was the excuse I always told myself."So what do you think?" Curtis said finally, shaking me out of my reverie."Sorry," I said."I sort of got lost in there.Yeah, I think you chose pretty well.I just wish I hadsomething better to give you.""Don't be ridiculous." Curtis sat down, tucking an e-cigarette between his lips and taking a longpull."I wouldn't have given you an installation if I didn't think your work merited one.""Well, that's comforting." I glanced up at the walls, noticing for the first time that they wereplastered with little drawings, sketches, and watercolors - exactly the type of thing I wished I coulddo, but could never quite achieve."See, that kind of thing -" I pointed to a portrait of a young manlounging on a windowsill, staring out at the landscape beyond."That's what I wish I could do."He smiled faintly."You and me both," he said."That was& well, still is, I suppose.One of mywife's drawings.That was me, once upon a time.Believe it or not."I stood up, moving closer to it.The man's face was mostly hidden, but the physique certainlymatched."I can definitely believe it," I said."I'm& she was very talented.""Yeah, she was." He exhaled a lungful of vapor."You want to hear the most pathetic story you'llbe told all week?"I chuckled, sitting back down."Okay, I doubt that.But okay.""We met in college.I was an artist.Well.An 'artist.' " He made air quotes around the word."Butshe was an artist, you know what I mean? I was ashamed to even look at her.We had some of thesame classes, figure drawing, you know, whatever& and I'd look over at her sometimes and her handwould just be fucking flying across the paper.I had no idea how she was even doing it.It was like theideas came so fast that her pencil couldn't keep up.I looked at the shit I was drawing, and then Ilooked at her, and I thought to myself& there's no way she'll ever take a second look at me.Allpredicated on this idea of me being a worse artist than she was, you know? Now, in retrospect, I haveno idea if she would have been immediately turned off at the idea of dating someone who couldn'tdraw as well as she could.I mean, I have no idea if that was even on her list.But for some reason, atthe time, I was utterly convinced that my inability to draw was going to ruin my chances with this girl.So, do you know what I did?""What?"He was chuckling a little at the memory."I knew that the one hot commodity - the one thing thatevery artist wanted, was a connection with a gallery owner.I'm sure I don't have to tell you how hardit can be just to get a placement.And no matter how good she was, she was still going to end up in thesame slush pile as everyone else, right? So I figured - the one sure way to get her attention would beto just go ahead and& buy an art gallery.""Oh my God." I was already laughing."Please tell me you didn't."He shrugged, grinning."Well, I managed to sell it to my dad as a business opportunity.This spacewas up for sale, and it was a complete dump, so it was cheap.He had the money ten times over, so hefronted me and I bought the damn thing.I spent all my nights and weekends renovating it, to the pointwhere my grades suffered even more than they already did.But by the end of it, it was worthwhile.Iwas able to do my first showing, and when I approached my wife with the proposition, of course shesaid yes.It was an amazing opportunity.I didn't have nearly enough spots for all the students, so itwas going to be a stiff competition for my first showing.And I was straight up offering her a spot.""And she fell for it?""Well." He took another puff."What kind of sociopath would buy an entire art gallery just toimpress one girl? Of course she bought it.It was much easier to believe than the truth."I grinned at him."I'm deeply troubled," I said."Don't worry, I told her before we got married.By then, she already knew I was a little crazy, soshe took it all in stride."I had to laugh.Really, it was nice to know there was someone out there with an even more fucked-up origin story than Daniel and me."Did you ever wonder?" I looked up at her paintings again."I mean - did it ever occur to you thatmaybe& manufacturing things like that& did you ever feel guilty, like she wouldn t have ever beenwith you otherwise?" I realized how bad it all sounded, and I quickly began to backpedal."I msorry," I said."I don t mean to be& that was a really rude thing to say.It s just that& " I hesitated andtook a deep breath.Curtis was watching me closely, concern on his face."Daniel s got this weird&thing [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]