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.In each case a vital element must be missing from thesexual encounter.The missing element may be eye linkage,a low and private voice, arms arranged to include onlythe partner or any of a number of other intimacies.Another way of putting the situation on a non-sexual level is to use disclaimers, to refer in talk to a wife,a boyfriend, a fiancee.This brings the situation intoproper focus and tells the partner, ' We are friends, notlovers.'This goes back to Dr Scheflen's belief that behaviouroccurs in specified units that make up whole patterns.Ifsome of the units are omitted, the finished pattern isdifferent.In this case it is changed from sexual to non-sexual, but still with a strong man-woman interaction.Acertain business routine takes place, but it is spiced by astrong flavour of half-teasing sexuality.The participants,without any expectation of sexual gratification, are stillexploiting the fact that there is a sexual difference betweenthem.The businessman uses sexual body-languagesignals to get a certain relationship across.The intel-lectual uses it as a teaching aid, and the therapist uses it tohelp a psychological situation, but they are all aware thatthey are simply manipulating their genders, not aiming atsexual gratification.There is, however, no guarantee that in any of thesesituations sexuality will not develop.There have beenenough teachers responding sexually to pupils, business-men to businesswomen and therapists to patients to giveall of these encounters a certain piquancy and evenpromise.110THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LOVEThese semi-sexual encounters occur so frequently thatthey are an innate part of our culture.Not only do theytake place out of the home, but they also occur betweenparents and children, hosts and guests, even between twowomen or two men.The one thing that must always bemade clear in this sexual-non-sexual relationship is thatit is not for real.From the beginning the qualifications ordisclaimers must be in effect.There should, if it is doneproperly, be no possibility of one partner suddenlywaking up to say,' But I thought you meant.'; and ofthe other having to protest,' Oh no, it wasn't that way atall.'Dr Scheflen notes that there are some psychotherapistswho use this flirtation behaviour very consciously toinvolve their patients.A disinterested female patient maybe made to talk openly by a sexual approach on the partof her therapist, sexual of course in terms of body lan-guage.He may arrange his tie, his sock or his hair in apreening manner to transmit sexual interest, but he must,of course, make his true non-sexual position known.Dr Scheflen describes a situation of a family visiting atherapist, a mother, daughter, grandmother and father.Whenever the therapist would talk to the daughter orgrandmother, the mother, who sat between them, wouldbegin to transmit sexual signals in body language.Thiswould serve to draw the therapist's attention back to her,a sort of flirting procedure that is very common amongwomen when they are not the centre of attention.Shewould pout, cross her legs and extend them, place herhand on her hips and lean her body forwards.When the therapist unconsciously responded to her'advances' by arranging his tie or hair or leaning for-wards, both the girl and the grandmother on either sideof the mother would cross their legs, placing the crossed111BODY LANGUAGEleg in front of the mother from either side and, in effect,'boxing her in'.She, in turn, would stop her sexualsignals and lean back.Perhaps the most interesting thing about this entirecharade was that the 'boxing in' by daughter and grand-mother was always done at a signal from the father.Thesignal - waving his crossed foot up and down! And all ofthis was done by therapist, women and father without anyof them being aware of their own signalling.From a careful study of sexual-non-sexual behaviour,Scheflen concludes that it usually occurs between twopeople when one becomes preoccupied or turns awayfrom the other for some reason.In a large group, afamily, a business gathering or a classroom, it alsohappens when one member is ignored or excluded by theothers [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]